In response to a question posted here I have decided to write about what I would call my lowest, unhappiest moment in Belize. I had made reference to that period here and here but not in great detail – so here is the full story. (I would recommend reading the two previous stories that I have linked above before carrying on)
The day after I got locked out, Mr Dakers, my acting supervisor at the time, personal friend of my then host (I shall call her Mrs X) and the person who suggested I live with Mrs X, came to speak to her. He was a lot more upset than I was about the whole locking out drama and wanted to hear her side of the story.
Mr Dakers is very diplomatic, non-confrontational man and while I had not asked him to speak on my behalf with hindsight I am grateful that he turned up because the conversation turned into more a personal attack and I am glad he was there to witness it.
I can not remember what led to Mrs X outburst nor can I recall word for word what was said, all I know is the one minute Mr Dakers was explaining the dangers of having a young woman locked out of her home in the early hours of the morning the next thing I know Mrs X was saying that I have a habit of bringing men strange men home ( this is a lie! I wasn’t even allowed any visitors! the only men that made it as far as the gate were the male volunteers who would walk me home after dark, usually around 7 pm). The conversation did not get any better, she commented on the fact that I am clearly not here to work, I am obviously sleeping around, that I do not carry myself like a real woman and that I do not perform my womanly duties.
I did not say much during that meeting but after that comment about me not caring about my work and sleeping around I had to speak. This is more or less what I said:
With all due respect Mrs X, I am grateful that you have taken me into your home, that you have fed me and that you have looked after me however there are a few things I can not accept.
Firstly I am 26 years old, I have lived away from my family since I first went to university, I have graduated, I have worked and I have fundraised to get to Belize. I have sacrificied a lot financially and emotionally to be here and will not take someone telling me that I do not care about my work, especially someone who is not involved in my working life. You have no basis to make those comments.
Secondly you have chosen to cast doubt on my morals, my character and my integrity and you have chosen to do so in front of someone who is effectively my boss. I shall not in any way accept that from you or from anyone else. Whether or not I am living in your house I shall not be disrespected in this manner
From then on the relationship was never the same. I lasted a week longer and the day before I was due to move she decided to have one last say and reminded me again that I am clearly not a real woman or a Christian as I would have put up with her till the end and that wherever I move to I shall encounter problems because I am that sort of person. I was not going to respond until she went on to say that I clearly had nevr encountered any hardships in life because if I can move out because of something like this then I am very weak. At this point I had to inform her that (1) when the Kenyan armed guards came to take dad into detention away in 1986, I was 8 years old and face to face with with a machine gun. (2) My mother is in a coma and has been so for over a year (3) I could list a lot of other things that have happened to me that count as hardships and lastly (4) The very fact that I have been through rough times has not only strengthened me but also made me strong enough to know which battles are not worth fighting and living with her was one of them.
If you had asked me then how many days I had Belize; I could have told you right down to the last hour. I wanted to go home and if it had not been for the work I was doing and the support of my placement leader, family and friends I would have been on the first plane out. I was miserable and at that point in time I hated Belize.
There you have it…I know I should probably put something about what this experience has taught me and how it has made me evolve as a person etc etc but in all honesty it seems so far away and insignificant now that I have hardly had time to reflect on how it has shaped me.
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Kaki says
Wow.
When I was reading your piece above I could not help but actually feel sorry for the woman. I have a feeling that what she was telling you was more projection that how she percieved you. You know how people can sometimes be saying things but are in reality speaking to themselves or projecting their issues onto you?
I am glad you defended yourself cauz as you said, you deserve respect period. No ifs and buts or strings attached. Where does she come off disrespecting you like that? I mean goodness! Anyway…I had to rant for you. Who would have thunk that Belize would have had soo much drama!!!
Stay covered girl.
Kui Says: I agree with you about the projection; She used to talk about how she came to Jesus late in life and her ‘past’ so maybe she thinks every twenty-something behaves the way she did.
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Mich says
Its amazing to think back and see how total the change has been between how sad you were then and how happy you are now. Strange how one thing can pull you down so much you get to the point that you could give up on the whole thing.
I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and having the strength to get out of what was obviously a very negative situation.
Kui Says: Its only with hindsight that I realise how much my home situation affected my experience. I never imagined that something like that would have a knock on effect. The minute I moved and got settled everything seemed so much clearer and I began to really enjoy Belize.
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Wahu says
Ms X clearly had a very active imagination, (nearly called her that woman!) what business is it of hers about the christian bit since when was she put on earth to judge people. How does she knows whats makes a woman, as Kaki says she was projecting because for one thing l know you were brought up well and that she saw that and resented it. As Mich says and l agree totally with him, I am proud of you and all you have been able to achieve. Keep it up PHENOMENAL WOMAN-YOU!
A. Wahu
Kui Says: Thank you! That being brought up well issue did bug her; when I told her I was moving and that I had discussed it with my family she wanted to know what sortof people they were and how they made their decisions etc etc. I told her don’t even go there! The education factor too was an issue.