A few days ago I was sat with Mich, my sister and a friend of hers. We chatted about random things and then the topic moved to DVD box sets. We began to question why we never see box sets of black british/African American TV shows such as Desmonds, The A-Force, The Cosby Show etc. My sister’s friend joked that it would be financial suicide to do so as one black person would buy the box set and then make mulitiple copies to loan, give and even sell to other black people. We then carried on to joke about some of the crazy/daft/stupid black people do.
This is not the first time I have laughed at and ranted about my people but in all the times I have engaged in this type of conversation I have done so in the company of other black people or on a few occassions in the company of an all black group with one or two white people who are racially aware and sensible enough to understand the nature and context of the discussion.
What has always been a source of confusion for me is when I am the sole black person in a group of white people and someone makes a comment such as the DVD box set one. Most times the question will be directed at me and I am always unsure how to deal with it.
Should I handle it in a jokey manner like I would when with my people? What if this person takes my jokey answer to heart an then uses it to base a whole heap of other racial stereotypes (you know the ones….”even my black friend said so!”) . Should I go the soulja sister route and question why they directed the question at me and only me? Will this in turn lead the person to think that I think they are racist? Will they become fearful about talking about race in the prescence of black person?
Of course I am well aware that I am not responsible for my people and their actions all of the time but thanks to Bill Cosby I also realise how seriously we value the unwritten code that states that we should not air our dirty linen in public (public = white people). Herein lies my confusion. How am I supposed to reconcille the two views?
Am I the only one faces this dillemma? Any suggestions?
Note: I live in a town whose black population is no more than 50 people – the sooner I find a solution the better
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Margaret in Germany says
How you deal with this situation when it arises depends on the type of relationship you have with those in question.
Case in point…I am Puerto Rican/Black. One of my VERY best friends in the world is White. When we were in the Army, one of the other white girls saw me one day and my hair was wet, hanging down my back. She made a joke and called me a Wet Back (equivalent to calling a Black person the N-word). I didn’t check her on it…but because I didn’t, she felt it was ok to call me a Web Back everytime she saw me.
After calling me that for about 2 weeks, I got mad enough to tell her to not call me that EVER again.
I blame myself, for not handling the situation when it first arose, and because I didn’t she did just as I allowed her…to disrespect on a regular basis.
I learned my lesson…the hard way.
Kui Says: Until your comment I had never heard of the phrase ‘Wet Back’ – thanks for bring it to my attention and thanks too for your comment. When the lady you mention first used the phrase is there any particular reason why you didn’t correct her? Do you think she knew it was an offensive term?
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mshairi says
I think you should go with your gut feeling for the scenarios you have mentioned. I agree with Margaret. As black people and indeed, as human beings, we have different relationships with different people. Some people we feel comfortable enough to talk about the issues you raise, whether black or white, others you don’t or can’t.
Kui Says: It is usually when I am with people I don’t know too well that I get those mixed feelings and end up with no gut feeling.
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Ciru Gachengo says
You decided where you stand, and then stick to it regardless of race. I personally do not belive in ‘customaization’ of opinions
Kui Says: I agree with you in so far as sticking to your point of view but don’t you think the method used to point a point across should be tailored to suit your audience?
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mentalacrobatics says
It all depends. I was told a joke about a year ago and i still can not figure out whether it is rascist or not so i feel your pain! I’m with Cosby though, sometimes you just got to say it.
Kui Says: What was the ‘joke’? I hate those ones that leave me going ‘hmm’. As for Cosby, yes sometimes we do have to say it but in the process we seem to piss off our people…what to do?
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Margaret from Germany says
Why did I not correct her…I guess I because we were just laughing and having a good time.
I really think she knew it was offensive, but chose to continue to ‘push the envelope’.
Kui Says: Such situations make me even more confused. If something is known to be offensive why would someone choose to say it? Furthermore, even if they get away with it first time why on earth do they keep pushing? Why should the onus be on me to point out something that they already know or ought to know?
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Ciru Gachengo says
The race issue is sensative enough, without trying to play it down or up