I am 26 years old. A not so old person recently referred to me as a baby. I only mention this because it made me smile. I mention my age however because, well, it is relevant to this post. In all my 26 years, I have spent no more than 3 consecutive years in Kenya. If holidays and other short term trips are included I would say the total time spent in Kenya is about 4 and half years. That means 22 out 26 years have been spent either in the country of my birth, the USA or in the UK.
Having spent so long in England I have become accustomed to racism. I don’t mean this in a general “all whites hate us black folk” way. I am talking about real racism. The kind that sees you waking everyday to the words “Fuck off Paki” spray painted on your front door by the National Front. The same racism that sees the white children calling the only two black girls in the entire Infants School names such as “poo-poo face”. This is the sort of racism that I grew up with. There was so much more, but that is not really important.
What is important, to me at least, is the fact that my parents were strong enough to raise me into the person I am. I know their strength stems from the fact they knew where they were from. They were and still are rooted in their Kenyan identity. By default this identity was passed on to me.
As the years have gone by I have learnt to deal with the racism I face. All through this battle of “black” vs. “white” there was one form of identity based discrimination I never ever thought I would experience. I had not been prepared for this.
By ‘this’ I mean the behaviour of some Kenyans who seek to question and strip me of my right to call myself a Kenyan. I could blog on countless examples but I shall stick to two, or maybe three.
I remember being in Kenya when I was about 15-16. I had a boyfriend, I went clubbing and I wore miniskirts. All this was done with my mother’s knowledge and consent. In between the “oh your mum is so cool” statements made by my ‘friends’ were sayings such as “well proper Kenyan parents would not raise their Kenyan children like that!”
What these people never knew was that my mother raised me the way she was raised by her mother, who is 100% Kenyan. My mother and her sisters were allowed to go clubbing. Boyfriends were allowed so long as they came to the house first and met the parents. Clothes were not censored either. Instead emphasis was placed on how you carried yourself in the clothes you wore.
While the assumption that I am of ill-breeding would annoy me it seems to have been a temporary phase. The form of discrimination I seem to face now annoys me even more.
I usually come across this if I am engaged in a discussion on matters that relate to Kenya/Africa. If I happen to say something that a person disagrees with, most will try and debate the issues. One or two however will remind me that I am not Kenyan/African enough and therefore can not speak about such issues.
This angers me on two levels. Firstly it questions my authenticity/Kenyaness and secondly it attempts to take away my right to air my views.
The other thing that appears to give people the courage to challenge my Kenyan identity is the fact that I am officially sleeping with the enemy but I have already blogged about that.
For a long time I sought to defend/justify my Kenyan identity. Quite often I would be tempted to remind the Kenyans called Francis, Alice or Jane that since both my names are 100% Kenyan I could be more Kenyan than they claim to be. I soon discovered this was not the best way. Why should I have to resort to stripping down someone else’s identity so as to re-assert mine? Instead I decided to focus on what exactly gave a person the right to call themselves Kenyan.
This curiosity played a big part in my decision to include that final question in the Kenyan Blog Meme; ‘I am Kenyan because…’ Nearly all the answers were identical. People just knew they were Kenyan; it was a feeling, not something that could be defined.
At the time I did not have an answer either. I joked that it was because I had no choice. Now, I realise I did have a choice. I could rightfully and legally call myself either English or American. I have chosen to recognise the aspect of that is Kenyan. Not at the expense of my Englishness or Americaness. I am as much Kenyan as I am English.
What makes the Kenyan aspect of me stand out is because I had to work at being Kenyan without even understanding what it meant to be Kenyan. While I was growing up, I couldn’t just step outside and get hit by a does of Kenyan culture. I had to make a conscious effort to learn as much Kiswahili as I could find. I had to actively seek Kenyan friends. Read up on Kenyan history. I am sure there are many things that make a person Kenyan but that’s not my point.
My point is simple. I have given up on clinging on those outward signifiers that are supposed to symbolise my Kenyaness. I have decided to be honest with myself. I am wasting no more time on checking my accent to see if it sounds too English. Forget trying to cram strange slang (sheng) words that I am never going to use. If I ever do decide to learn Kikuyu it shall be because I want to and not so that I can fit in. I will continue to air my views on whatever I choose. I shall no longer be silenced because I am not Kenyan enough. Phrases such as “Wow you are more Kenyan than I thought” shall cease to be considered a compliment.
If the rest of Kenya can base their Kenyaness on a gut feeling, than that too shall be my basis.
I am what I am because I have chosen to be what I am.
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Guess says
Kudos to you MJY. I agree with you on the issue of being discriminated against by your countrymen based on what is different about you.
It irkes me when people think that you are not Kenyan enough because you are not dating a Kenyan, that majority of your friends are not Kenyan, that you choose to express yourself in English as opposed to sheng or Kikuyu blah blah ..
You should not have to justify your identity to fit in with other people’s insecurities. That is tiresome and boring, IMO. I constantly say that I find (especially, but not exclusively) that Kenyans will try to tear apart the aspects of your life that are different to theirs so that you can conform, and in conforming you become like them, thus making them comfortable with who they are.
(I could insert an expletive there, but I will leave that to your imagination).
Mama JunkYard Says: That is exactly it…for ages I used to think I had identity issues until I discovered that it was others who were troubled by identity. Instead of them dealing with it, they seek to make me feel uncomfortable with my identity. As you say it is a tearing apart of you who you are to make you more easy to handle.
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Mich says
Never a truer word spoken. Just because you were not brought up exclusively in kenya does not make you any less of a Kenyan. I believe that throughout your life you choose what it is that defines you as a person and I know for a fact that your ‘kenyanness’ is a very big part of who you are.
Don’t allow others to tell you what you are or aren’t, know that for yourself and let them deal with it.
Mama JunkYard Says: I figure if I don’t start to sort this out we could end up with a bunch of very confused kids.
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Farmgal says
What makes you a Kenyan is the simple fact that you are a kenyan! Just because you can’t speak kikuyu, sheng (there are people in kenya who cant speak or understand sheng, etc), or proper swahili doesn’t give anyone the right to say you aren’t Kenyan!
If lets say my dad was Luo and my mum Kikuyu then that would make me a Luo but with Kikuyu blood. I guess what am saying is the fact that your parents are infact Kenyan, you are a Kenyan!!!!
If I say more I could blog in your blog.
Mama JunkYard Says: LOL you brought in a whole dimension that I never like to go into…tribe…that just gets even more confusing
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mshairi says
I read your post and thought of what one of my favourite poets – Audre Lorde said: ‘I have also learnt is not let other people define me. If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.’
After hearing the argument that I have lived abroad for too long to have an opinion on anything Kenyan (mainly on gender issues and especially where discrimination and oppression of women is concerned), I fully understand what you are saying.
Make no apologies for your existence, your principles and for what you believe in. Refuse to let other people define you.
Mama JunkYard Says: You mention Audre Lorde and I remember while at Uni I borrowed one of her books. The cover had a huge picture of her in a beautiful headwrap. At the same time my locks were in that stubborn stage so I was also wearing a headwrap. As the librarian scanned the book through, she took one look at Audre and one look at me. Then she asked, “Is this you?” You know that I Audre and I don’t even look alike. I figure she saw two black women both in headscarves and figured it was too much of a coincidence. Yet another reason why I should not let others define my identity…because they will totally misrepresent and misunderstand who I am.
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Ms K says
I’m not going to say much right now, cos nimechoka na blogs leo.
I just wanted to say you’re Kenyan enough for me. I don’t mean that as a compliment. I just wanted to say that.
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Memoire says
Hey I really commend you on this post. I think that a Kenyan (like an African, a black) is someone who self-identifies as such, like African-Americans have as much claim to African soil/rights whether or not they’ve ever been there, and so no one can take or give identity to/from someone. People often say the same thing to people who’ve only been away for, say 5 years, so I think they’d say such things either way. The fact is that we Kenyans abroad are often seen as “traitors” or as having “run away” by some, and others imagine that if they left they’d be quick to loose their Kenyan identity (so they expect the same of those who leave). A while back someone blogged about how abroad-Kenyans are more committed to Kenyan political/justice issues than those in the country. Identity is within oneself, and no one else can determine it for them.
Mama JunkYard Says: That view that we who are abroad as traitors is one that always angers me. People have left Kenya for so many reasons. Some have even left against their will. The ability to travel is, in my view, a real blessing. It is a shame that there are some who will hate on those who have been able to travel.
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sylvanah says
does a Kenyan have any moral authority to determine who is not a Kenyan by virtue of them having not been in Kenya for a long period.
once you are born of Kenyan parents then you are Kenyan period.
Mama JunkYard Says: I would add…and even if you aren’t born of Kenyan parents..if you feel that you are Kenyan then that is all that matters
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lifemoments says
Amen to that!
And just for the record, you will always be my kenyan niece!
Ps: remember the poem:
A rose is still a rose…
Mama JunkYard Says: Thank you Uncle Torments
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Kenyan Pundit says
As I mentioned in my blog, I had an interesting conversation with Binyavinga Wainaina on the issue of Kenyan identity, particularly as it pertains to Kenyans in the diaspora and around the question of authenticity – much along the lines of “how Kenyan are you” etc. (or can you really pundit on Kenyan issues from the lofty confines of Cambridge). One interesting thing he said, even if you’d spent your whole life in Kenya or moved back, there will always be a debate by others in the we-want-to-define-you group…so it becomes how Kamba are you? How Nairobian are? Are you really a mwananchi? How much of Kenyan woman are you? It never ends…like you said you are who you are and that should be enough.
Mama JunkYard Says: I never imagined anyone would question your ability to pundit on Kenya simply because you live in Cambridge. LOL. As for the sub-groups; isn’t that always the case with those who try to discredit you? If they can’t knock your Kenyaness as a whole then they shall attempt to knock parts of it.
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Wanjiru says
MamaJ: I ‘m so glad you wrote this particular blog because I too I’m so tired of being questioned by some folks on whether I’m a “real Kenyan “or “African” or ” real African woman” for that matter based on the things I choose to do and that which makes me happy. First of, I have odd names and ever since I went to nursery school everyone want to question my last name.It is only in Kenya if your last name is not paternal then it goes without saying that you are abnormal. Even today as we speak a Kenyan two weekend ago questioned my last name and he had the audacity to ask me “What is your other last name” I didn’t know I needed to have a father’s name to be complete. Another thing is I used to cycle to the park with a friend and an older Kenyan gentleman told me ati why I like tabia za wazungu” and that cycling is not a Kenyan woman thing to do…. I didn’t know there some activities that are set aside for Kenyans only and the rest of the world .
Nway there are many things that I do that many Kenyan raise an eyebrow about that I’m not being a true Kenyan and this pisses the hell outta of me because nobody has the right to question someone else’s kenyaness for you never know, some of us are more Kenyan than the real Kenyan in the republic.
Mama JunkYard Says: Thanks for your input, you raise two really good points. Firstly the names – it has always amazed me that we can accept first names of Hebrew/Western origin as Kenyan yet we shall question surnames that though still Kenyan are not not male.
As for behaviour! I often wonder who decides what is acceptable Kenyan behaviour. I have heard of so many things that are counted as non-Kenyan e.g. living with as an umarried couple but I have to say the woman cycling one…LOL that is a new one!
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Msanii_xl says
“I am what I am because I have chosen to be what I am.”
Period…forget all the morons and their Ignorant you-need-to-conform-to-our-prejudices-views
Mama JunkYard Says: 99.9% of the time I do forget them…then you get one who just won’t quit
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Magaidi says
I’m still trying to come to terms with the term ‘Kenyaness’. Is there such a word? As such it maybe reinforces the stereotype of what Kenyan is or isn’t?
I think you’re as Kenyan/English/Arabic/Iraqi/Albanian/South African as you feel or want to be. Also, remember this: it’s not about how much time you’ve spent in the country, it’s how you identify with it, its people, it’s cultures and all other things Kenyan.
Mama JunkYard Says: Magaidi, the term Kenyanes does exist. I would say what doesn’t exist is a fixed in concrete definition of the term Kenyaness. The problem arises because so many try and attach a definition, which on a personal level is fine. What is not fine is when someone takes their personal meaning of Kenyaness and uses it to judge others. Identity is such a personal thing and we all need to respect and understand that.
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Mentalacrobatics says
Yes Kui! Brilliant post. Define yourself and no one can take your identity away. I for one am proud you are Kenyan!
Mama JunkYard Says: Thanks for stopping by and also for listening to me rant about identity
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akiey says
Kui, the intro to your post made me laugh soo haard & you know why:)!!
As the philosopher René Descartes said: cogito, ergo sum (“I think, therefore I am”), it is ridiculous & insulting for anyone to doubt your Kenyaness when you think and know that you ARE Kenyan. If you feel it then you surely know it.
Well, you may not do everyday “Kenyan things� like blubber some Sheng or use vernacular per se but how many of us ‘other’ Kenyans do that on the regular? Yet we don’t feel any less Kenyan!?
I have cousins that grew up in Cheshire, Greater Manchester & they went thru similar motions & their mom told them ‘no one decides how Kenyan you are, no one but YOU’.
I admire your courage as you’ve had to deal with this over the years. Kenyaness can’t be bought online, it’s in us regardless of where we live or grew up.
Recently while discussing US issues with friends (among them 3 Americans) one of them questioned my opinion on a very obvious issue based on my being an immigrant. Surely, the ignorant guy knew nothing about yet it affected him more than me. I asked out loud “What then makes YOU more American than me!? � He’s never voted his whole life & wouldn’t know it if his home state was sold to the Saudis for 2 barrels of crude oil. Ain’t that crude?
Mama JunkYard Says: Laugh away. The issue of using one’s identity to silence a person is something pisses me off. I have often found that those who have to resort to that line of argument do so because they have nothing better to add to a debate. Why not just say you disgree? Why discredit the view and the person? I have heard it one too many times and each time it drive me mad. To me it is the verbal equivalent of slapping someone who disagrees with you.
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Sonny says
Let me swing this baby….
You see the frustration you deal with is with other Kenyans who are foolish enough to tackle issues like identity….. Sometimes your own can really really shock you and this is a lesson I learnt in the past few years. I have the solution for you.
When someone in conversation tries to wax philosophical on how you are different, or they notice that *shock* you are black…..click your tongue. Trust me, nothing strikes fear in the heart of anyone like clicking your tongue. And if you are really good you can reaallllyyy drrraaawwww it ouuuttttt…too bad I dont know how to create a sound byte that you can practice with. You see there is a reason that people in Kenya…and my tribesmen the Kisii in particular do it. There are some issues that you simply cannot articulate to the clogged brain of your counterpart…just click your tongue and say no more.
You see sometimes when I was young and did something wrong and my smart-ass mouth said something to my mom or dad, they did not rush to the fimbo. Old man would unleash a click that was heard in Finland, and he let me be. This left me to ponder and ponder is what we need to do from time to time.
I have found however that in my own experiences that an erring Kenyan is best confronted. In other words don’t let it go and seethe, try and understand why the person speaking is such an ignoramus. Just this weekend a guy visiting from the Northwest tried to say something snide about the fact that I grew up in Nairobi (takes all sorts!) and questioned my knowledge of my shagz and culture. So right there with my Dad and relatives in the living room I took him on and told him I knew what I knew of my culture and that was enough…and I pointed out that he was no encyclopedia himself. It was interesting to note how very reasonable a guy he turned out to be by the end of the evening. Kui, educate your people!
Mama JunkYard Says: LMAO @ Clicking tongue…I am working on it. As for ‘educating’ people. It really depends on who/how it is said. There are some who do it with such spite and anger that it is not even worth it. There are others who do just make an honest mistake. In the same way that I have learnt to work out which racist battles to fight, I have also learnt to be selective when it comes to which Kenyaness debate to engage.
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Ciru Gachengo says
I had to wait a while before I responded to cool off. If there is one irrtitating issue is that of “Kenyaness”. Do I have to prove that I am black? or how black I am, I can feel the rage coming back……msshhhhhhh
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Ms K says
Ok my blog rage is over so now I can comment.
First, reading thro my earlier comment, what I said doesn’t feel quite right. In fact it totally goes against what you wrote in the post. It shouldn’t be about whether you’re Kenyan enough for anyone. Its all about you. Please forgive my blondeness. Blame it on Blogger-rage.
Two, I have to comment about the Sleeping with the enemy issue here. I must admit, ignorance is deeply ingrained in our society. For a long time, I allowed that ignorance to colour my views on inter-racial relationships. All thro high school I was always trying to figure out whether the chick was using the dude. Then one day I caught myself doing it and if I could, I would have slapped myself upside my head.
That day I realised that I’d allowed society’s ignorance to seep in and colour my perceptions. I like to think of that day as my awakening.
Today I say fu** all those people who act shady about you and Mich!
You go girl! I’m very proud you’re Kenyan!
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Ms K says
Ok my blog rage is over so now I can comment.
First, reading thro my earlier comment, what I said doesn’t feel quite right. In fact it totally goes against what you wrote in the post. It shouldn’t be about whether you’re Kenyan enough for anyone. Its all about you. Please forgive my blondeness. Blame it on Blogger-rage.
Two, I have to comment about the Sleeping with the enemy issue here. I must admit, ignorance is deeply ingrained in our society. For a long time, I allowed that ignorance to colour my views on inter-racial relationships. All thro high school I was always trying to figure out whether the chick was using the dude. Then one day I caught myself doing it and if I could, I would have slapped myself upside my head.
That day I realised that I’d allowed society’s ignorance to seep in and colour my perceptions. I like to think of that day as my awakening.
Today I say fu** all those people who act shady about you and Mich!
You go girl! I’m very proud you’re Kenyan!
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Nyakehu says
MJY you know the worst part of everything is when other Africans want to find out what part of Kenya you come from and this is the tribal issue- pigeon-holing people can be such an art form. The subtleties and sometimes the crudeness of it can be amazing. I really enjoyed reading this one. As I told you in the Sleeping with Enemy one, your God given rights to happiness is not determined by the colour of the one you love.
That bit about going out so long as the parents know, it used to embarrass me as I wanted to sneak out like the other girls did.
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Kishawi says
You are indeed! Enjoyed the post and my comment is more fully made on http://pandemoniumtoday.blogspot.com (titled “Another Dog Chasing Its Tail”). Enjoy!
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KymmBr says
Just tell them to get a life and let yu be. aint no one half kenyan or full kenyan….i thought kenyan is kenyan. i cud say this in a lot of words but i guess the message is just be and let be…
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Mimmz says
Keep thinking for yourself because as soon as you don’t someone else tries to think for you. And they do a terrible job of it.
I knew this was a huge issue when a good friend of mine told me it was incredibly unfair of Kenyans who received their post high school education outside of Kenya to get jobs in Kenya. Reason, they had abandoned Kenya and didnt deserve the same benefits as those who remained there… I must have stopped listening right here coz I don’t remember anymore.
So even for studying outside of Kenya, you may no longer be Kenyan, if you’re listening to what they are saying.
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Carine says
This is a great post Kui! Any person who’s grown out of their “original country” has to deal with this at some point in their life. I find that those who question you are always bitter about something (because you’ve done something they haven’t).
Back home you are expected to behave a certain way. You are expected to display what they view as the particular traits of the tribe/country. Once you don’t conform they’ll question you. The truth is when living abroad you absorb other cultures and you become something else. Something unique. Some people can’t deal with that and will have a problem with you being individually different. It’s crazy.
It takes a strong character to ignore this bs and be natural. I’m glad you decided not to be another culturally confused young person. 😉
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kaki says
Hey! You know I am feeling your post because well, you know my situation For me though since I lived alot of years in Kenya I am able to blend in and infiltrate LOL!
For the ‘gatekeepers’ on Africanness and being a kenyan, usually it comes from a place of either insecurity or/and mild jealousy.
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Rod says
Hey KUI! Thanks for the beautiful imagery of your words. many of your feelings can be likened to our African-American situation here in the states. Not relating to the diaspora, but about the rtidiculous litmus tests that we often place on each other, ie are we black enough.
You are what you are, and what you feel. You can be many things, or nothing. It’s a construct that you develop from your own experience.
LOL @ Sleepiing with the Enemy. You have to DO YOU! If it’s working, stay at it. You still are very conscious.
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madame butterfly says
define yourself
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Keisha says
Hi
I am not Kenyan but I found this website while searching for some information on Kenyan surnames. I was wondering if someone could help me find out a name. I am told that the meaning is ‘Child of God’ and I know it starts with a ‘W’. I think it is something like ‘Walumba’. Can anyone help please email bridge_k@hotmail.com
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Karuri says
Hello
I have lived in Kenya all my life and came to UK recently, I am 36 years and all of those except may be 2 years have been lived in Kenya and the rest in Brazil, Uganda, Tanzania, Zambia and now UK.
On the issue of who is truly Kenyan I wish to you on the fact that you thought you were Kenyan and did some effort in trying to learn the culture of Kenya.
Infact you might be more Kenyan than many of the Kenyans trying to run away from Kenya and even change names to english names to give themselves a sense of belonging to the western culture as if any culture is supreme. My consideration of west and Kenya(africa) is only the economic development rather than good or bad culture. The west is more developed and Most of Africa is not But that does not mean that we Kenyans should not be proud being Kenyans and also the Kenyan culture.
So by the sense that you can identify your roots and are happy being a Knyan then you are welcome.
Though I wish to say that in some instances you might not understand the absolute issues in Kenya as much as I find myself unable to understand many things in UK, which is partly because I have not lived here and my study and interest in the British culture have not been of much help to me like the real experience I am getting right now.
For me to be really Kenyan to be a person who can identify with the positive and negative issues for or against Kenya or Kenyans, and understand that in every country, race and or tribe, there is always the bad guys and the good guys, no culture is bad or evil its just different.