While reading a blog by a fellow KBW member I saw a comment left by my sworn enemy. It was mainly gibberish (as usual) but contained in all that nonsense was the unthinkable, the unmentionable. I won’t even link to it but I shall say this: it is a dumb person who dares refer to my dreadlocks as braids and it is a dead person who dares to suggest that my hair is FAKE!!!

Those comments by the fake-cousin-I- wish-I- never-had have led me to think about some daft and at times offensive things that non-locked people say when in the company of we dread folk.

For those without locks please consider the list below as a guide of things NEVER to say when you meet a person with locks.

Things NOT to say

1. Is this your real hair?
2. I didn’t think black hair grew this long

   Number 1 and 2 are related in that they rely on the assumption that long hair is good hair and that black hair in it’s natural state can not grow long/look good.

   I have often found that this is questions asked more by black people than white people.

3. Do you wash your hair?

   I often do not explain why I take offence to this question. It really should be obvious. What reason would I have not to wash my hair? Unless I was a dirty slob – and when asked this question I shall automatically conclude that the asker has assumed I am a dirty slob.

   From my experience I have found this question is asked more by white people. I can’t even think of a black person who has asked me this.

4. How often do you wash your hair?
5. How do you wash your hair?

   I debated about putting these on the list because there are times when it is not offensive or rude to ask about lock maintenance. If for instance someone wants to start locking their hair and wants to find out more, I would be more than willing to answer 3 and 4.

   On the other hand there are times when I have been asked this question by people I consider total strangers and who are not interested in locking hair.

   Washing my hair is a personal matter and I think it is a sign of ill breeding to walk up to someone and ask such a stupid question. As for ‘how to wash’…from what I know; the ways to wash hair are fairly straightforward. Water, shampoo, scrub, rinse.

   Most people regardless of race ask this question, though I have found that it is mainly white people who are shocked to hear that I do not wash my hair everyday.

6. Weed, sister?
7. Do you smoke pot?

   Prior to locking my hair I could breeze through customs without anyone stopping me; recently though it seems that every custom official I meet takes one looks at me and my hair and immediately asks if I am carrying drugs.

   I am also asked this at parties, in bars and usually by total strangers.

   It appears that both white and black people ask the same question but in different ways.

8. Are you Jamaican?
9. Have you been to Jamaica?

   I arrived in Turkey and handed my passport to the immigration man and he looked at me and said “Jamaican huh?� Just for the record my passport is not Jamaican and I still can’t understand how that man got a job as an immigration officer.

   Do people have to be told that not all locked people are from Jamaica? I wonder if white locked people get asked the same thing.

   As for being asked if I have been to Jamaica…this is another of those ‘in context’ questions.

10. Your hair is so crazy

    Someone I work with once said this to me. Crazy as used by a stranger is not a term of endearment.

These are just a few things that people have said to me. I am sure there are many more and I would love to hear about them.

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Oh…I nearly forgot to strike back at he-who-shall-not-be-linked…..

Those fake hair comments have taken this war to a whole new level and I have been left with no choice but to rely on weapon only reserved for the ugliest of wars.

Ngamia bila magongo this is for you:

I’m rubber you’re glue
Everything you say
Bounces off me
And sticks on you.

A. Wahu asked:

What has been the most exciting and enjoyable time spent in Belize. Not the work which l have read that you have enjoyed if it is x-rated then we can go the funkytown.

Attending both the Dangriga and Hopkins Punta Fest was the most exciting and enjoyable experience. The Dangriga Punta Fest qualifies as enjoyable because it lasted all night. I don’t think I have ever danced while watching the sunrise. Two words made the Hopkins Punta Fest exciting – Aurelio Martinez. What’s so exciting about Aurelio? That definitely counts as X-rated.

Kaki asked

Have your locs grown faster ama slower?

It is hard to tell for two reasons. When I first started locking my hair, I bleached and dyed it. Over the years the dyed section of my locks began to weaken and the ends started to break and unlock. I have been scared of putting a pair of scissors to my locks but I realised I had no choice. I think it was about October time when I got the courage to cut about an inch and a half off the ends. This has made it difficult to assess rate of growth. Secondly, one of the main ways I can tell how quickly my hair grows is by measuring the length of time between each re-twist; that is when the new unlocked growth gets messy. In England I would re-twist every 3-4 weeks. While in Belize the humidty meant that my hair needed re-twisting every week!

Kaki asked:

Any new or different fragrances there?

I am not sure if you meant new fragrances in Belize or in general. Either way…I have no idea. All I know is that I had planned to buy D&G’s Light Blue (my new favourite) on the way to Belize but managed to convince myself that the full bottle of CK Contradiction, the half bottle of Cabotine (Kaki – I took that picture just for you ) and the near empty Kenzo Flowers would be enough!!

Big mistake.

Cabotine is a perfume I have used since I was 13. It was my first ever perfume and I don’t use it anymore – I just carry it around for sentimental reasons. Contradiction is a perfume that I used to like but still receive as birthday and christmas present from a few people. I only packed it out of guilt; and it came back just as full and has now joined the other 3 full bottles!. Kenzo was the only perfume I like and use on a regular basis – it didn’t last a month! So for the first time in my life I was stuck without perfume. Thankfully the need to wear repellent meant that I could get by without perfume.

That’s it for now. I shall answer the other questions soon. If anyone else has any other questions…now is the time to ask. I will answer anything and everything.

Now I have space to blog on locks and nothing but locks!

I usually wake up in a mad panic.

Do other ‘locked’ peeps dream about this or am I losing it?