By: Roz

Roz — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:10:58 +0000

I am more disturbed about your response to the questions, many people from different parts of the world are sometimes fascinated with the various customs and cultue, do not be offensive at their remarks, but rather embrace them and teach them, its then that you are looked upon as the better person. I will be traveling to Kenya in the near future, and it is my hope that I will not offend anyone if I ask the question about their culture. Be the young kenyan that you are to be, be proud, intelligent and graceful.

By: Matthew

Matthew — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 03:13:49 +0000

What you are describing is a typical exchange between people from trans-continental nations. Any serious traveler has heard it a thousand times. Everyone generalizes and everyone uses the information they gather from the mainstream media to make their assumptions about others’ nations. Im sure this happened before the recent electoral strife, but you have begun to feel anger because the questions have become based around what you feel is a shameful period in your country’s history.

By: Out of Africa | MetaFilter

Out of Africa | MetaFilter — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:05:25 +0000

[…] "You are from Kenya? So are you Kikuyu or Luo?" ~ Wangui Blogs of women from Africa. That is all. posted by hadjiboy (17 comments total) 33 users marked this as a favorite Why must all of your posts be awesome, hadjiboy? People better not shit up this thread like they did the other one recently. posted by allkindsoftime at 6:34 AM on April 17 Yeah, this is seriuos. posted by smackfu at 6:39 AM on April 17 Kikuyu walk like THIS but Luo walk like THIS posted by DU at 6:46 AM on April 17 Bravo. posted by Stonestock Relentless at 6:47 AM on April 17 That first piece is especially excellent. posted by The Straightener at 6:50 AM on April 17 Fascinating and eye-opening, thank you. posted by owhydididoit at 6:51 AM on April 17 Amazing post. Thank you, hadjiboy. posted by sveskemus at 7:03 AM on April 17 This is the best of the web. It brings things to me that I had no idea existed. Thank you. posted by fleetmouse at 7:09 AM on April 17 It brings things to me that I had no idea existed.That’s not necessarily a good thing. In this case, however… posted by No Mutant Enemy at 7:18 AM on April 17 I just picked one blog at random (Kui/Wangui’s Mama Junk Yard) and started jumping around posts and every single one of them is great – especially where she discusses local dialects. I just wish she posted more. Thanks hadjiboy for turning me onto something I never would have found (or even thought I needed to find) on my own. posted by Slack-a-gogo at 7:44 AM on April 17 Thanks for the post, hadjiboy. The first blog is simply enraging. Here’s another post from that same blog: But you cannot be abused without participating in it yourself, mainly by finding reasons to acquiesce. This is important. In the first post, her father asks if there is any reason he shouldn’t beat her. But she doesn’t think to answer "Because it will hurt" or "Because I don’t like it". The abused is conditioned from the outset to be the victim, so the victim’s frame of reference is always the abuser’s, not their own. This isn’t her fault, or a criticism of her, just an explanation of what is going on in the mind of a child who is old enough to not submit willingly but does so anyway. What people who have never been in this situation don’t understand is that when you are older, you resent your younger self for not doing anything to stop it, for not taking the hyperbolic action that resets their posture relative to their abuser. The only way to explain it is that your brain is programmed from very early on not to generate thoughts outside of the abusive paradigm. In the moment, you simply can’t think of anything to say or do. In the case of the blog, bringing up her period bought her reprieve from the physical abuse, but the psychological abuse got much worse. And the physical abuse was going to stop anyway in favor of psychological abuse. When abusive parents want to control their kids into adulthood, they realize the need to stop the beatings at some point or else they scare the kids off. And you can’t abuse them if they’re gone. There are AskMe questions on this site about people who hit their kids and feel some ambivalence, or from people who know relatives are abusing their kids, etc. But the question is always, without exception, framed with from the viewpoint of the abuser, and with a concern for their reaction. The abused is an afterthought. The question "Can you think of any reason why I shouldn’t beat you?" is fundamentally sadistic. I’m going to beat you and it’s your obligation to submit to it, I kind of enjoy it and it’s my right, but I’m not unreasonable. But the victim has to submit to the frame. The victim has to be a masochist. You get to ask the question, and I have to answer, because being abused is familiar and safe. Doing something else is uncertain. And when you grow up having the people you love beat the shit out of you, the only thing left to cling to is familiarity and certainty. Predictability offers an illusion of control to the powerless. But there is really only one answer to the question "Can you think of any reason why I shouldn’t beat you?" "Because I’ll beat you back." posted by Pastabagel at 7:46 AM on April 17 [9 favorites] And the physical abuse was going to stop anyway in favor of psychological abuse. When abusive parents want to control their kids into adulthood, they realize the need to stop the beatings at some point or else they scare the kids off. And you can’t abuse them if they’re gone. My mom got really really icky nice once she realized she couldn’t beat us anymore. And when that didn’t work…she would call with a disaster….and when that didn’t work anymore…. posted by The Light Fantastic at 7:59 AM on April 17 Mama Wangari’s writing excavates some of the most complex mires of both women and a particular culture so deeply I feel that the air she is exposing them to might actually heal. All of these blogs arrest with their voice–they give me hope for blogs and the way this medium might evolve (so many seem to be sharing a writing voice I find really irritating lately). I’m truly inspired, and look forward to sharing these with friends and colleagues. This is one of those FPPs that compel me to pay my 5 bucks all over again. Thank you so much, hadjiboy. posted by rumposinc at 8:07 AM on April 17 Thank you hadjiboy. A wonderful post. posted by gaspode at 8:09 AM on April 17 You done good, boy. I’m going to bookmark this for a later read. posted by Stewriffic at 8:16 AM on April 17 My god, these are amazing. Thank you, hadjiboy, for another phenomenal post. posted by rtha at 8:17 AM on April 17 This is awesome, hadjiboy. I have my entire afternoon planned out now, thank you. posted by headspace at 8:36 AM on April 17 […]

By: News » Out of Africa

News » Out of Africa — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:06:39 +0000

[…] "You are from Kenya? So are you Kikuyu or Luo?" ~ Wangui […]

By: jke

jke — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:19:21 +0000

Kui, even I am more Gikuyu than you.

By: farmgal

farmgal — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:24:30 +0000

mama junkyard…you’s blogging again!!! wooohoooo how are ya and are you back here ama?

By: seasonsandreasons

seasonsandreasons — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:45:08 +0000

The issue is worse when such questions come from Kenyans.

I was in London in February and I bumped into this lady who I could tell was Kenyan immediately I saw them. She could not tell where I was from and once I told her, the next question was what tribe I was. I asked her why that mattered and she went all to tell me that these days it is important to know once tribe so that you are careful on what you say to them.

Great post