Often when I blog about race I either blog about my locks or about some stupid incident involving an ignorant white person….well today I’ve decided to take on some of my people who I consider to be ignorant. To clarify when I say ‘my people’ I am not limiting it to Kenyans; I mean black people…
A lot of times when I meet a black person for the first time they will automatically assume that because I have dreads I am a ‘conscious’ ‘rootsy’ ‘pro-black’ ‘soulja-sista’. Usually if we end up having a conversation that involves race you can see them confirming their assumptions. Somewhere along the way, it could be within the first meeting or even months later, it transpires that I have a white fiance.
Some of the black people are bold/dumb enough to shout out, ‘ You are engaged to a white person?!!?!’, though more often than not I just get looks of disappointment, shock and betrayal. Not much has to be said but it becomes clear that I am no longer the ‘soulja-sista’ they thought I was. I am sure some may even go as far as to use the O or C word (Oreo/Coconut). If I am lucky they must just settle for the term ‘sell-out’.
There are two things that piss me off about the aforementioned type of black people and because this is my blog I intend to list them both.
Firstly, it is not the fact that someone decides to place me in a box based on my appearance/interests/choice of conversation that annoys me. We all box people. What gets to me is when someone gets mad at me because after further investigation they find that I do not fit into the box they put me in.
Secondly, and this is the one that really annoys me, is the notion that I can not have a relationship with someone of another race and still be proud of my own race. Since when were the two mutually exclusive? I am no less proud to black and no less vocal about my pro-black views than I was nearly 7 years ago when Mich and I started going out. If anything it has made me a lot more racially aware.
I remember in the first year of university, Mich and I had only been together about 2 months and one of the 5 black men on campus asked me if I thought that they (meaning the black men) were not good enough! This was coming from someone who I had known since day 1 of uni and who had never once expressed an interest in me and now he was acting as if I had rejected him.
In the second year I became president of the African Caribbean Society and there were murmurs from some of the black people that having a white boyfriend made me unfit to be the president! Some of them didn’t take it to kindly when I reminded them that the ACS was not a black only society and if we were to apply membership strictly and soley on the basis of nationality, they would not be allowed to join as they were neither African nor Caribbean.
I am not sure if these people are actually aware of what it takes to be involved in an inter-racial relationship. I can honestly say that had I not been 100% proud of my race I would not have lasted 3 weeks in this relationship. Not only did I have to put up with the many ignorant white people but I also no had to deal with the ignorant black people too.
One thing I have always maintained is that I have never have to prove that I am black or African. There is nothing to prove. I am black, I am African and I am proud to be both. I do not censor my conversations or put them through a colour filter to make Mich or any of my white friends feel comfortable . If I see an ignorant white person whose ignorance is based purely on the fact that he/she is white – I will bring it to the attention of anyone who cares to listen and the same goes for my people too.
I am saddened by those black people who feel that the measure of a black person rests on who they associate with. If that were the case I would have distanced myself from quite a few ignorant black people because some of us know that we are not doing our people proud by carrying on like ignorant people.
So there you have it..Kui the Malcolm-X-loving-dreadlock-wearing-soulja-sitser is ‘sleeping with the enemy’ and proud.
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bankelele says
You have my sympathy. I have friends who have been in lon-term inter-racial relationships and they go though hassles every day thanks to our Ignorance. They get especialy harassed in Nairobi, especialy where the woman is black – you’ll find hotel and restaurant staff and many others immediately assume that she’s at working him, and that he’s a client.
Kui Says I have experienced the whole ‘working girl’ attitude in Kenya especially in Mombasa. It is so infuriating. I remember once we went for a meal in Old Town, Msa and at the end of the meal I went to pay. The waiter had to call his dad because he could not understand how I could pay when I was in the company of a Mzungu. By the time we left I had posed for 100 pictures with various members of his family and he even asked if I had a sister who would marry his sons!
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Mshairi says
Hey the blog is back! Well said!
Kui Says Thank you Mshairi
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Kaki says
You know kui…there days I am just so through with ignorance. Yaani you know how you have debated, explained, reasoned, sayed a million times, denied, agreed mpaka you dont bother anymore. I think I am there now with people who make assumptions and guesstimates about people they do not know. So dating and marrying a white person takes away from your blackness how? Why does it take away from his whiteness?!
And I am sure you get the sister girls who high five you ati “girl it is good you moved on to bigger and better things cauz kenyan-black-African men are trifling” I continue to be amazed at how some people process their ignorance and spew it out or project it to others.
I swear miseducation runs deep.
Kui Says: Well said. The issue of taking away from his whiteness is one that people never think about. Though I think that has to do with the fact that whitness is perceived as the absence of colour, white is colourless/raceless hence white people fall outside of the race debate and are only ever included in relation to a non-white person. As for those ‘sister girls’ you call them; it saddening but true. There are those who really do think that white is better but we know that there are many fine and decent black men in the world.
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Wahu says
Mpenzi Thank you for this enlightening piece the other issue people tend to focus on is cultural differences, one’s happiness is never limited to just sharing your love with the one person of your culture, if God did not create all of us with our own differences can you imagine what a bland world this would be.
Love
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Black Ambition says
I liked hearing your perspective on this.
I am one of those blacks who sometimes questions relationships between blacks and whites. I have never given anyone grief over it or said anything rude, but I think in America atleast, and probably in most countries, it is hard to ignore the fact that whites have been favored. At one point I believe that many blacks came to adopt white people’s view that white people are better than us and sought to marry white people, have lighter children, etc. It is a painful history and reality among blacks which leads to animosity at times. I am not sure to what extent this history still affects us today, but it was a reality for so long that it becomes hard for some to ignore.
With that said, it isn’t fair for you and your husband to have to carry the weight of history on your shoulders. I think your perspective and experiences demonstrates this point. Old wounds have yet to be healed between blacks and whites and this is the reason some blacks look upon black-white relationships with contempt. Again, not fair to you or your partner in life.
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delica says
this is utterly true in every shape and form. I am a jamacain lady who is married to a white english man and the negative looks and percption is always unfortunatley,from my own people,especially the younger generation of black men.it would seem highly hypocritical,that black men think nothing to date a white woman however when it is the opposite way around,they act like you have committed the ultimate crime! it really saddens me,as we love each other deeply,and i agree on the point you made about fitting into a box.people always have this strange perception that you must act urban,and if you dare to speak normally,then you are trying to deny your race and culture,what rubbish.i was born from jamacian parents,i myself born in england and i don’t think i have ever fitted into any catergory except being myself.i choose to speak clearly,even before i met my husband.i dress as myself,not a colour.