As I stated previously, I would spend the first few weeks of the New Year reflecting on my Belizean experience. I still intend to do that however I seem to have come across a slight problem.
When I launched this website, way back in June 2004, the thought of blogging had not crossed my mind. I put the site together, picture, personal details and all. Eventually the journal was added and I was very aware of the fact that I was not blogging anonymously. While in Belize the majority of my entries were 100% narrative so I didn’t struggle too much with issues such as offending and/or embarassing family and friends. The main issue I struggled with was protecting the privacy of those I interacted with, hence my reluctance to refer to other volunteers by name.
The problem with this next stage of my Belize experiences, is that I am moving away from the narrative and focusing mainly on my opinions and feelings. I want to write honestly and openly about what I have learnt, what I liked/disliked, what my views were on certain things and so on. It sounded so easy at first; until I tried.
The good things will always be easier to write about; it’s the not-so good things that are going to be a problem. How do I write honestly about what I can only term as the instutionalised sexism I came across in Belize and the sexist attitude of most of the men that I interacted with, without sounding like an uppity Western neo-colonialist who is insensitive to people’s culture or worse offending the Belizean men who treated me with respect? What of the challenges I faced of being the sole black and African volunteer amongst a group of white volunteers in a predominantly black country without offending those volunteers I consider my friends?
I haven’t even began to deal with all the self analysis that I shall have to go through; I had planned to share all and I do intend to but Lord! it takes a lot to lay yourself bare and for someone as proud as I am, it will take even more to admit how little I knew or how wrong I was.
The whole volunteer experience has been a journey for me and it would be pointless to simply talk about the end of the journey without being honest about how I got there.
Well I guess, this in some way acts as my disclaimer, I have already hinted at some of the things I plan to blog about and this is my way of saying, I do intend to be blunt and brutally honest about myself, my experiences and the impact they had on me. I apologise in advance if anything I say offends or upsets; this is not my intention.
I shall end by saying that every single person I interacted with and every single encounter I had no matter how good or how bad has in some way shaped my Belize experience and in turn shaped me. I feel I have come back from a Belize a stronger, and more focused African woman. I have grown emotionally, professionally, intellectually and so I am grateful to God for every moment and every person.
What more can I say, to such dynamism, a good friend, a classmate, country fellow and a learned friend. Keep it up kui. “..The path of duty is the way to glory..”. (Quote from Starehe Boy’s Assembly Hall). You make us proud.
Kui Says: Asante sana Ronnie; You too are flying our flag and doing our people proud. Happy New Year!
Hi Kui, I stumbled upon your gem of a web-site recently, it’s great. So much of what you’ve written resonates with me…… I absolutely had to comment on this though, because I’ve been wanting to blog for some time now, but I’m held back by fear of offending my nearest and dearest (and offend them I think I will). So your kind of disclaimer was good to read because it’s exactly what I feel about just how honest I can be in my blog. I’m starting to ramble, let me go. bye for now
Kui Says: Thank you for stopping by. I do hope you start blogging – the pros outweigh the cons – and you can always blog on the down-low.
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