There is a story that has been in the papers, on the television, on the radio and everywhere else I seem to look. As I have read through the excerpts and listened to the commentary I have found myself caring less for the politics behind the story or the complex legal principles that underpin the judge’s decision (both of them).
I don’t give a damn about the Right or the Left arguments. Only one thought seems to occupy my mind each time I hear Terri Schiavo’s name;
This could be my mum!
I first heard of Terri way back in 2003, soon after the plane crash that took the lives of the 3 people and left my family in limbo.
I had been searching the internet for information on comas and I came across a website maintained (I think) by Terri’s parents. There were stories about and photographs of Terri. At the time we had a website too but it was a guestbook and there were no images of mum. I did not know much about comas but somehow I imagined them to be personal and private. Other than my mother, she was the first coma patient I had seen or heard of. Those images and Terri’s story have stuck in my mind ever since.
It really could be my mum!
Mum has been in a coma for 2 years and 2 months and like Terri is not on life support but is dependant on her feeding tube.
She is my mum!
I have never met Terri or any of her family. I can not even pronounce her surname but because hers was the first story I stumbled upon she became a part of my coma understanding/learning.
I saw similarities in their stories. I connected their comas, bound their lives and merged their conditions. Terry’s coma-life was mum’s coma-life.
Needless to say I was worried about the outcome of the case. Terri had been there since the beginning and she had come to symbolise a lot. Part of me believed that if they ruled in favour of discontinuing her feeding I would lose a part of mum and me.
Well, they did make the announcement to disconnect Terri’s feeding tube and I was saddened but I didn’t die. In fact as I listened to Terri’s mother and father speak against the decision and against Terri’s husband for backing it, I felt like I had been cut free.
Terri is not my mum!
Yes, for a fraction of their lives, they have shared a similar state of being however I realise now my mother remains connected to the land of the living by bonds stronger than that of a silicone gastronomy tube.
She, her life, our family’s lives are held together by the strength of our African culture.
Our culture that reminds us that family is a blessing not a burden.
Our culture that encourages us to look upon an ailing relative with love and compassion.
Our culture that nurtures our young ones and reveres our older ones.
Our culture that teaches us to respect both life and death.
I can honestly say in all the many conversations I have shared with my mother she has never mentioned what we she would like us to do if she ever became helpless. I am not sure if she ever had this conversation with my father or her father or her mother.
In the past two years not one member of our family has spoken of ‘letting her go’, or ‘relieving her of her pain and suffering’. In fact no one in our family has ever said out loud “what if…�
Even if deep down we may have our doubts, when we speak aloud we all speak of when mum will wake up. We hope she will wake up. We hope she will continue to live and we live in that hope.
Over the last few days as I have listened to the debates, I have cried. Yet unlike the time in 2003, when I stared at pictures of Terri and cried because I saw my mum in her, this time I cried for Terri. Her life, her family, her culture.
Well said, Kui
Mama JunkYard Says: You inspired this post, after we had that long talk a few days ago.
Why is it that every day you never cease to illustrate how amazing you are?
Mama JunkYard Says: Thank you. I didn’t cry once when I wrote this lakini when I read your comment…
Wow. Very moving, Kui.
Mama JunkYard Says: Asante sana (Kiswahili for Thank you very much)
I am in the library and l tend to do a lot of things here but crying isn’t one of them. I heard a proper rundown of this yesterday and the connection… Thank you Kui for writing this.
Mama JunkYard Says Your welcome. Having family members like you keeps me strong
Please accept a virtual hug from me.
(Will refrain from commenting further as nothing else said seems worthy)
Mama JunkYard Says: Asante, and hugs back for all the lovely conversations that I have had with you here and at your place.
I’m sorry to hear about your mum’s [I say tomayto, you say tomahto] accident. But I think you’ve made a good point about Terri Schiavo’s case: we can’t assume what is and isn’t right for her based on our family or what we’d want for ourselves. Each of us is an individual and has the right of self-determination.
Keep the hope alive for your mother. It’s only been two years — you never know what might happen in the next few.
Mama JunkYard Says: Thanks for the words of hope. You know when I first heard about the differing views held by Terry’s family I was so angry, especially at her husband. Then I focused on how I would feel if others were debating my mum’s situation in the same way. I wouldn’t want that. Through this I have come to respect Terry’s family’s right to make up their own minds. It must be tough enough as it is, without the rest of us jumping in. I would be sad if she died, it is not a decision I would like to make but it is really not for me to start condemning them when I do not know the full story.
Still praying for y’all. Terri’s case is so sad especially since now they are starving her to death! WOW…!
Mama JunkYard Says: Asante for the prayers. Have they reached a final decision re Terry?
Thank you, it’s nice to read the your personal account of this very public situation, which should be very personal.
When I first started reading your blog, I was also hearing about Terri and wanted to get your personal opinion about it…thanks for sharing something so private.
Mama JunkYard Says: Your welcome. If ever have any questions just ask. I don’t mind talking about it.
Well written Kui. I will pray for your Mum and your family.
Mama JunkYard Says Thank you Ciiku
my heart goes out to you and your family. Be blessed.
Mama JunkYard Says: I appreciate your words, asante
Kui,
The depth of insights you shared brings real and personal our own reflections of life and life’s uncertainties. We never know what could unfold through the impermanence of life. We know, however, that love is always vital to sustain the best of who we are. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and insights. I want to hug you, right now and so am also sending a virtual hug…all the way from Belize. Be blessed.
Jerry
Mama JunkYard Says It’s people like you who make me miss Belize. I am grateful for your words and your friendship.
i wish you peace and strength.
you also know where to find me…
Mama JunkYard Says: Asante. Oh the yahoo smilie thing is causing a bit of havoc so had to remove it.
wish i was there to give you a big hug. keep on being strong
Mama JunkYard Says Girl, you know you are one of the people who were there right from the start! I am so blessed to have met you. Thank you!
hi, I didnt know she was your mum, i didnt know much about her. I know she has a little girl in braeburn and i know she moved hospitals some time ago. If this is the right lady, then i dont really know much about her, but i do know that i say a prayer for her every night despite whats going on in my life, iv said prayers in italy, in kenya, in the uk. I dont really do that for people i dont know at all, but for some reason i do for her. small world to know she’s the mother of a fellow blogger. She remains in my prayers.
Mama JunkYard Says Your words have really touched me – thanks.
I’m an avid reader of your blog… just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers. Stay strong and positive. God Bless always!
Mama JunkYard Says Many thanks.
Our hopes and prayers with you….
Mama JunkYard Says: Mucho gracias.
FYI
Court No Stay [via ScoutusBlog]
Mama JunkYard Says: Asante sana. I can not imagine how Terri’s family have coped with all this uncertainty.
Even though words fail to comfort appropriately, please know that my heart reaches out.
Mama JunkYard Says: Thank you for stopping by.
i searched for your blog after you left a comment on VI. thank you so much for re-emphasizing the power and strength of family ties that too often we forget about, when we get caught up with money or politics.
i pray for your mum…that she would have comfort knowing the love that her family has for her!
I noted your comment on Virtual Insanity…I thank God that your mom has you and the rest of your loving family beside her …i have you in my prayers.
I had a bit of a brush with your family a while ago. Met them at a party at one of your auntie’s (I think) houses. From that one encounter, I felt tied to your family. That was one of the things that first kept me coming back to your blog (till I fell irrevocably in love with the Junkyard). Please know that thousands of prayers go up for your mum everyday. I feel anything I say would be hopelessly inadequate so just know we do remember her in our prayers. H-U-G.
Hope to meet you in summer?